As the surfer dude (me actually) tracks sand through the house (real surfers know not to do that BTW) on floors freshly cleaned by my wife the issue of fairness in a relationship comes to mind.
The topic of marriage equality being a 50/50 split, or being exactly the same for both partners deserves some attention. Especially if the surf conditions turn on and I want a guilt free surf.
Given people are often attracted to each other due to the differences and not necessarily the similarities doing everything together is simply not an option for some relationships.
However you do need to do some things together.
What if one partner has sacrificed their career for the benefit of the other? Suddenly the person traversing the career path takes on new interests or even social interests.
This is a contentious area in some relationships.
Money can be a really difficult area for some couples.
Should the approach to money for both parties be similar for the relationship to succeed?
A classic scenario is the frugal vs the one day millionnaire. The frugal is saving up for the mythical retirement. The one day millionnaire is saying let's have fun now.
Or is the attitude "if I win lotto" vs I am going to work at my business to become independent of any boss. "I can get told what to do at home so why have that in a job".
What about the situation where one partner went through life with a silver spoon firmly implanted the other had poor or even deceased parents.
What about the difference between sexes where a female may instinctively look for a "good provider" - instead of the classic fun guy without a cent still dreaming of that instant music stardom?
However the "good provider" can necessarily mean a person short on time - perhaps a chronic workaholic who is bemused when the wife packs up and leaves - "I was doing it all for you".
Our personalities and habits are often goverened by our fears. The humiliation of not having food on the table can have a lasting effect on an individual. However others have never experienced poverty or relative poverty.
Money will be a sticking point - often a source of arguments for couples.
Image: FutureShape.com.au (Humans as an Internal Control System)
Maslow used the terms "physiological", "safety", "belonging and love", "social needs" or "esteem", and "self-actualization" to describe the pattern through which human motivations generally move.
This behavioral motivation psychology can explain why a burning desire for an acheivement like climbing Mount Everest becomes the paramount motivator for an individual.
Other individuals will be looking to feel safe - there is quite a distinction one partner flirting with danger "self-actualizaion" another just wanting to feel safe.
Looking at all the possibly inequalities and grounds for differences leads to the obvious assuption of mutual respect. Without mutual respect it is going to be difficult for a relationship to survive. For example one partner loves a Yoga Class and the other drinks down the pub on a weekday evening.
Gold Coast Marriage Counsellor Jiselle Saraghi teach couples mutual respect.
Jiselle also provides couples therapy
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